Husband- Wife Jokes

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: For you and your parents.

* * *

Wife: Look a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I prepared.

Husband: Whom should I call now, Police or Ambulance...?!

* * *

Wife: (standing in front of mirror) I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?

Funny Husband: Your eyesight is still excellent !

***

Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

* * *

A mathematician reached home at 3 AM.

His wife was very upset.

Wife: You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!

Mathematician: I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve.

(12/4 = 3)

* * *

Wife: Do u know the meaning of WIFE? With Idiot For Ever !!!

Husband: No, It means: Without Information Fighting Everytime.

* * *

Husband: I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.

Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!